Dr. Jerry Law, senior fellow at The Meadows, discusses the dangers of this addiction and how it can slowly take over your life on Dr. Connie Mariano’s show House Calls on an episode titled Beware the Ides of March. More than 64,000 Americans die from opioid overdoses every year. Join Dr. Connie as she talks about this epidemic and how it ties into the famous quote from Julius Caesar: "Beware the Ides of March." Guest in studio is Dr. Jerry Law, PhD, psychologist and addiction specialist who works at The Meadows, a renowned drug rehab center. Are you or a family member or friend struggling with addiction (drug or alcohol or both)? Tune in! it may save your life or the life of someone you love. “Addiction is a pathological relationship with any mood altering experience that has life damaging consqeunces” – John Bradshaw To hear the podcast, listen here: https://www.voiceamerica.com/episode/105887/beware-the-ides-of-march
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Emotion Explorer is an interactive site for processing emotions. I designed it to give people a place to go to process a feeling the minute they were experiencing it. As a therapist I was concerned about the hour's in-between sessions, I was aware that loneliness drove many of my clients to surf the internet in the wee hours of the night where they sometimes got into trouble. I wanted to provide something to do online that might help. Emotion Explorer is a creative, interactive site that uses a series of exercises to identify, explore and process feelings. I’m keeping this simple for today; we’re breaking things up into a few steps. So sit back and relax, take some deep breaths and have fun looking more deeply into a feeling! Step #1 First, click on this link and look over the feelings in the circles scattered across the page, take your time and choose a feeling that draws you at this moment. http://www.tiandayton.com/emotionexplorer/ Step #2 Now you’re going to refine your search… Look at the list of more feelings that popped up when you clicked your circle…do any of these feelings come closer to the feeling you’re experiencing right now? Once you have found your feeling…just click on it… Step #3 Next is the mood meter. The mood meter helps you to understand how much or...how little you are feeling something so that you can begin to regulate your feeling… Would you say you’re experiencing just a little, say 10% of a feeling...? Is the feeling in balance for you at say 50%…or are you heading towards an extreme say 85% or 90% and on your way to getting overwhelmed?…grab the meter stick and slide it up or down…to the percent that best represents where you are right now Step #4 Now…we’re going to map your feeling…feelings often have memories, sensations, smells, sounds, scenes and situations associated with them…. Write a few words or phrases that refer to or describe your associations…e.g. “a blue patch of sky”, “my grandmother’s house”, “anxious about a test in English”. “sad that I missed so and so”, “a family dinner table”, “shopping with these friends on a sat. afternoon” and so forth… Step #5 You are at a choice point; you can continue through as many exercises as you wish or you can stop now and continue to journal about what you have become aware of so far. If you journal simply begin by saying “I am aware of…” and let the words flow. Do not edit the words in your mind simply let them come out in any way that they come out. This is for your eyes only; no one is going to look at what you write unless you share it, the idea is to allow words to fall onto the paper without controlling them so that your thoughts and feelings pour out freely. Step #6 Take a few deep breaths. Take a break if you wish and read what you wrote now or tuck it away to read later. If you read it, is there anything you notice that is a new awareness? Simply be aware of what you have learned, take a few more deep breaths and let the emotions that come up move through your mind’s eye. Simply witness them with no thought of controlling or directing them, let them float by. Step #7 Next just let your feelings go, you have processed them so release them. Breathe and be aware of your surroundings and move into a different activity in your day, you have finished this one. “This year I will…” These are familiar words uttered by millions at this time of year. January 1st is seen as a new beginning for a large part of the population regardless if you share these goals on social media platforms, or keep them to yourself. All you have to do is look at TV commercials, advertisements, and billboards on the side of highways from Boston to Miami, San Francisco to Anchorage. Almost overnight, a shift occurs from indulgence to deprivation. Where there once were ads touting delightful sweets and 80% off sales from stores open 24-hours, there is now a call for renunciation—eat less of this, do less of that, push harder, work longer, make more, spend less. New Year’s resolutions are so popular that many industries rely on our desire to be more than we are to improve their profits: anything from a boost in gym enrollment, to the purchase of diet products and programs, or the increase in sales of athletic gear. It has also become good fodder for comedians, TV sitcoms, and internet memes to mock the spirit of “New Year, New Me.” What is it about a new year that draws us to want a fresh start? What are the traps we find ourselves in when on December 31, at 11:45 p.m. we authentically want a change, and yet by the end of January, many of us simply fall back into the white noise of our everyday lives, and then use our ‘failure’ to fuel self-hate, shame, and self-sabotage? Take a moment to reflect on the resolutions you have made. What was the focus of those resolutions: lose weight, eat better, exercise more, save money, get out of debt, quit smoking, get a better job, find a partner, get organized/declutter life? The list could go on and on. Let me take a moment to be very clear—there is nothing inherently ‘wrong’ or ‘bad’ about wanting to make a change in any of these areas. The trap is setting yourself up for failure and creating an externally focused goal that you may or may not have complete control over. The true secret to creating meaningful change in your life is… STARTING WHERE YOU ARE and keeping the goals based on small achievable goals that you actually have the power to change. Consider the outcome if we focused less on losing weight and gaining wealth, and instead, placed our energy and intentions on losing EMOTIONAL WEIGHT and gaining RELATIONAL WEALTH. I had a mentor who works in the eating disorder field once state, “FAT stands for feelings are terrible.” Initially, I was confused because therapists LOVE feelings (I should know, I am one!), however, she clarified that often when we feel fat, it is due to emotional needs we are ignoring. We may feel ‘fat’ because we misuse food as a means of self-soothing and self-medicating or our emotional struggles distort our ability to see ourselves accurately reflected back to us, or perhaps a combination of both. Either way, the best route for feeling better is not to start an unrealistic diet and exercise plan, but rather to concentrate our goals on paying attention to our bodies and emotional needs and to find a compassionate way to help ourselves feel, deal, and heal with whatever we discover. This is not exclusive to food/weight-based resolutions. We are groomed to engage in a shame-based Binge-Purge-Restrict cycle in all areas of our lives intended to self-medicate—with money, relationships, work, and careers as well. So then it makes sense that when January 1 comes around we all feel compelled to ‘erase’ the failures of the past year and change, but due to our programming, we measure our success on an external number, outcome or person. My challenge for each of you this year is to take time to reflect on where you currently are spiritually, emotionally, and physically. What do you need to live a more authentic life? What are the patterns that keep tripping you up and keep you from living your life out loud and fully awake? What are you keeping in your life that is toxic to your health (again, spiritual, emotional, and physical)? What are the things in your life that bring joy and light into your life? The answers to these questions may ignite something inside of you that desires change, but how then do you get there? Make YOU the most important person in your life this year. No, I am not promoting self-indulgence or self-righteousness, in fact, quite the opposite. When you place yourself as the most important person in your life, you take better care of you, which can have a ripple effect on your life from physical health to improved connection in relationships. The best part is that you do not have to figure out how to fix anything in your life. Simply be present with the things that hurt and the things that heal in your life. If you find that your answers left you with a desire to jump into healing work, let yourself spend the resources to make space for that growth. The Meadows offers a wide variety of programs that can help guide you through your healing—whether that looks like battling an addiction or eating disorder in our residential programs, or taking five days to delve deeper into what roadblocks keep tripping you up as you walk your healing journey. Click here to check out the wide variety of workshops offered at the Rio Retreat Center at The Meadows. One is sure to speak to the specific healing needs you have this year and then consider making your New Year’s resolution: This year… I will allow myself to FEEL my pain, so I can DEAL with my roadblocks so that I can HEAL! Written by Lauren Mehr, Workshop Facilitator, Rio Retreat Center at The Meadows The Get Connected Toolkit is the result of a public-private partnership between the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA), part of the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, and the National Council on Aging (NCOA). The organizations met with older adult consumers and health and aging services providers to gather information on how best to engage the aging services network in addressing the alcohol and medication misuse and mental health needs of older adults. Alcohol and medication misuse and mental health conditions can be significant problems for older adults. Our growing life expectancy, coupled with the aging of the “baby boom” generation make the need to address these issues more critical than ever before. As with other age groups, by preventing these problems from occurring in the first place, and by addressing them promptly when they do arise, we can enhance the lives and health of millions of older Americans. The Get Connected Toolkit was created to help health and aging services providers learn more about alcohol and medication misuse and mental health conditions in older adults so they can address these issues more effectively. It has been designed to help health and aging services providers undertake health promotion, advance prevention messages and education, and undertake screening and referral for mental health conditions and the misuse of alcohol and medications. The Get Connected Toolkit helps coordinate these efforts and link your organization and the older adults you serve to other valuable community-based and national resources. The Get Connected Toolkit is the result of public-private partnership between the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA), part of the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, and the National Council on Aging (NCOA). The organizations met with older adult consumers and health and aging services providers to gather information on how best to engage the aging services network in addressing the alcohol and medication misuse and mental health needs of older adults. To download this free tool-kit, please go here and select Download Digital Version or you can proceed to checkout and have one sent to you at home. https://store.samhsa.gov/product/Linking-Older-Adults-With-Medication-Alcohol-and-Mental-Health-Resources/SMA03-3824 Laying your personal struggles out for the world to see cannot be easy for anyone, but we applaud those who face their issues and seek help for recovery. Michael Phelps has been nothing short of heroic in his swimming accomplishments as well as his ability to be open about the difficulties he has faced in his personal life. In a recent interview, Phelps said, “When I’m able to talk through my problems, it’s like a one-hundred-pound weight has been lifted off my chest, and I’m able to live a happier life, be a better father, be a better husband, and be a harder worker. It’s taken me thirty years to get there, but it doesn’t matter. I was able to get through it and learned a lot about myself by going through some of the darkest places I’ve ever been to in my life, and I’m a better person now because of it. And you know, the suicide rate is way too high. This is life-changing. If I never talked, who knows if I’d still be alive today.” Overcoming the stigma of mental health and substance use issues by talking about it is a vital part of winning the battle. Certainly, having a role model like Michael Phelps is a boon to accomplishing this. Read more here: https://www.thedailybeast.com/how-michael-phelps-conquered-his-demons-i-didnt-want-to-live In October of 1981 the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence held a “Day Of Unity” with the goal of connecting and uniting individuals and organizations working on domestic violence issues and raising awareness for those issues. The Day of Unity soon became an entire week and in October 1987, the first Domestic Violence Awareness Month was observed. What Is Domestic Violence? The United States Department of Justice defines domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. This means that domestic violence encapsulates many different situations, such as:
On average, nearly 20 people per minute are physically abused by an intimate partner in the United States. During one year, this equates to more than 10 million women and men. This alarming statistic is one of the many that recently lead the U.S. Surgeon General to declare domestic violence to be one of the largest health concerns in the United States today. It’s also important to note that anyone can become a victim of domestic violence, and it impacts individuals of all socioeconomic and education levels. It is not dependent on race, age, sexual orientation religion, or gender. Both opposite-sex and same-sex relationships can experience domestic violence and it can occur in intimate partners who are married, living together, or simply dating. The Impact of Domestic Violence Domestic violence can have a lasting influence beyond the immediate victims of abuse and impact family members, coworkers, friends, and witnesses. Unfortunately, children are most likely to be affected by domestic violence. Growing up in households with frequent exposure to domestic violence increases emotional trauma and normalizes violence as a way of life. These types of childhood ‘lessons’ can create unhealthy coping skills for children and predispose them to become future victims and abusers themselves. When a person finds it difficult to deal with traumatic events, they often develop a sense of being alone and struggle with feelings of worry, fear, and helplessness. Trauma sufferers frequently have difficulty with relationships, emotional issues, and low self-esteem. Victims of emotional trauma may turn to drugs or alcohol to dull the feelings associated with the trauma and it’s not uncommon for them to develop an addiction as they attempt to mask their issues. What to do if You are a Victim of Domestic Violence If you are a victim of domestic violence it is important to seek help. Make sure to create a domestic violence safety plan and discuss it with those you trust. Remember, you have a right to be safe and you are not responsible for the violent behavior of someone else. In a private, safe space, seek out the support of a friend, family member, neighbor, a co-worker, or anyone that you can rely on. You do not need to face abuse alone. How The Meadows Can Help During the month of October, The Meadows wants to continue bringing awareness to domestic violence and the power its victims have to heal and recover. For over 40 years, The Meadows treatment programs have been helping trauma victims heal and learn the skills necessary to cope with the devastating, and often hidden, effects of trauma. The Meadows can help you create a life of recovery, peace, and healing. We have helped over 45,000 clients to date, through workshops and inpatient treatment programs. To learn more about the trauma workshops and treatment programs at The Meadows, call us to speak confidentially at 866-332-0612. Content Source In Recognition of Domestic Violence Awareness Month More than 43 million Americans suffer from depression, anxiety or other mental health issues, but more than half never get help, even people who have health insurance. These challenges can strike deeply at a family’s financial well-being. Insurance is a crucial tool that can grant access to needed treatment; however, navigating health insurance coverage is no easy feat. Meadows Behavioral Healthcare, an industry leader in providing treatment for people struggling with addiction, eating disorders, trauma, and related mental health conditions, understands the challenges individuals and families face when obtaining and financing quality care. In an effort to help alleviate some of this burden, we have worked diligently to create relationships with insurance providers to offer in-network benefits to their members. “As we have been in discussions with several managed care companies and they have learned the depth, quality, and robust treatment offerings at our programs they are very supportive and eager to enter into a formal relationship with Meadows Behavioral Healthcare and have been very supportive of the treatment we do,” said Sean Walsh, Meadows Behavioral Healthcare CEO. “Our efforts have resulted in being selected as an in-network provider for MultiPlan employers and most recently with Health Net. We are continuing to work towards adding further contracts and expect to announce more by the end of the year.” MultiPlan is a trusted partner to over 700 healthcare payers in the commercial health, government, and property and casualty markets. Through managed care plans covered by MultiPlan such as Cigna, Aetna, and United, beneficiaries will now have access to cutting-edge mental health services by simply paying their copay and coinsurance. This includes the full continuum of inpatient, residential treatment and transitional living programs offered by Meadows Behavioral Healthcare. The agreement with Health Net will allow more individuals to have access to the tremendous quality and excellent eating disorder treatment at Remuda Ranch at The Meadows as well as intensive outpatient services at The Meadows Outpatient Center. “The behavioral health industry has seen many changes this last year, and unfortunately, has been riddled with unethical practices revolving around fraud, patient brokering and shoddy care. Managed care companies around the country have increased their scrutiny and vetting of provider’s to ensure they meet their standards,” Walsh said. “We are proud at Meadows Behavioral Healthcare to be able to bring our world-class treatment and partner with commercial managed care companies in the hope more people in need will have access to our treatment in their time of need.” For many individuals, private pay may still be the best choice for behavioral health treatment. But, no matter what your insurance coverage is, it’s important that you get the help you or a loved one needs. For more information about Meadows Behavioral Healthcare’s family of treatment services, or to check your benefits, please call 866-331-3102. Content Source Paying for Behavioral Health Treatment Read also When To Get Help For Gambling Addiction “Trauma leaves fingerprints on the victim. These don’t fade when the bruises do.”- Dr. Ellen Taliaferro Childhood trauma has a lasting effect on an individual’s life. The trauma which is either physical, sexual or emotional in nature, creates a devastating ripple effect on every aspect of the individual’s adult life. According to one study, more than 21,000 child abuse survivors, age 60 and older in Australia reported a greater rate of failed marriages and relationships. Research also states that childhood trauma, which ranges from parent’s divorce to alcohol and smoking addictions in the home, is the major cause of heart diseases, lung diseases, liver diseases, and mental health disorders like depression, anxiety, poor self-esteem, anger outbursts, and suicide in the later stages of an individual’s life. In addition, such trauma can trigger risky sexual behavior leading the individual to suffer from life threatening diseases thereby leading to “low life potential.” Even though some individuals seek treatment and therapy in their younger days to deal with the pain of childhood trauma, there is often lingering hurt. The painful memories can suddenly creep up on the individual. Survivors of trauma who are in the later stages of their life may experience a replay of the painful feelings and be extremely confused at its occurrence. Fewer distractions and reduced responsibilities of daily life may cause seniors’ to shift their focus on the traumatic issues of their past. The recurrence of nightmares, flashbacks, and other symptoms can be frightening and overwhelming. According to psychiatrist Judith Herman, “As the survivor struggles with the tasks of adult life, the legacy of their childhood becomes increasingly burdensome. Eventually, often in the fourth or fifth decade of life, the defensive structure may begin to break down. Often the precipitant is a change in the equilibrium of close relationships: The failure of a marriage, the illness or death of a parent. The facade can hold no longer, and the underlying fragmentation becomes manifest. When and if a breakdown occurs, it can take symptomatic forms that mimic virtually every form of psychiatric disorder. Survivors fear that they are going insane or will have to die “ At this point, there is often an urge to rely on the numbing agents of alcohol or substances to desensitize the recurring pain. Depression, suicidal thoughts, phobias, and low self-esteem can plague the elderly individual to an unusual extent that he/she has never felt before. Life at this point may seem hopeless and agonizing and the elderly individual may feel extremely desperate. A number of indicators may manifest in an individual who is struggling with a mental health issue such as trauma. If you notice any of the following conditions in a senior loved one, it is important that you encourage and help them seek immediate medical or mental health assistance. These include: Physical Conditions:
Emotional Conditions:
Healing from the Trauma Guilt, shame or repressed memories may hold seniors back from seeking help. They may also feel that they don’t need to disclose their suffering. Some seniors may have already sought help to deal with their past trauma and may feel uncomfortable seeking assistance for the same issues. Despite the reasoning, it’s never too late to address childhood trauma. Professional help can benefit seniors by facilitating acceptance and overcoming feelings of despair and hopelessness so they can live life to its fullest. The Meadows treatment center in Arizona has been helping individuals heal from childhood trauma for over 40 years. The caring, multi-disciplinary team at The Meadows understand the unique needs of seniors and the challenges they face. If you or a loved one is struggling with unresolved childhood trauma or co-occurring conditions like substance abuse or depression, please give us a call today at 866-331-3102. Content Source The Lasting Impact Of Childhood Trauma “Caring for our seniors is the greatest responsibility we have. Those who walked before us have given so much and made possible the life we enjoy” - Senator John Hoeven A very true and apt quote; senior citizens definitely play a major role in making important contributions to the present generation and society as family members, volunteers and employees. Recent research conducted by the World Health Organization estimates that the proportion of the world’s population over 60 years of age would double between 2015 and 2050. Thereby, leading to an absolute increase from 900 million people to 2 billion people over the age of 60. These statistics further affirm the need for both effective mental and physical health care for senior citizens. A study conducted by the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention states that approximately 20% of individuals over the age of 55 experience some form of mental illness, such as anxiety, bipolar disorder, depression and cognitive issues. Amongst the above-mentioned mental health concerns, depression is the most common disorder experienced by seniors, and unfortunately, is the least recognized. Depression has a major impact on the health of these individuals and can adversely aggravate already existing physical conditions. Fortunately, the said study also states that depression is treatable in 80% of the cases. Regrettably, depressive disorders are widely ignored in older adults and are either undertreated or overlooked. Senior citizens with mental health conditions are more inclined to have poor functioning skills and find carrying out day-to-day living cumbersome and challenging. They are also less likely to seek out medical services to improve their health and outlook on life. Many social, biological and situational factors also greatly influence a senior’s mental health. Life situations like retirement, the death of a loved one, physical disability, change in financial status, poor health, etc. characterize a senior’s life. These issues can also result in loneliness, isolation, and loss of independence, which are major sources of psychological distress. Additionally, according to evidence collected by the World Health Organization, 1 in 10 seniors are subject to elder abuse. Abandonment, neglect, and abuse lead to loss of dignity and respect which can compound the psychological breakdown in the elderly. Loved ones and caregivers of senior individuals should be aware of signs that suggest a deterioration in their mental health and take immediate action to help them. Ways you can help as a caregiver:
Help For Depression If depression persists in a loved one in spite of all your efforts, therapy or counseling is recommended, as it addresses the underlying causes of depression rather than the symptoms. Mental health includes our emotional, psychological, and social well-being. It affects how we think, feel and act. The state of our mental health also helps determine how we handle stress, relate to others, and how we make choices in our everyday lives. Mental health issues can negatively affect our lives, and our expert team at The Meadows is here to help. The Meadows treatment center is an excellent place to seek help for your loved one. The therapists and counselors here are well trained and extremely competent and capable in helping your loved one improve their mental health and rebuild their lives once again. Please call 866-424-5476 to learn more about our depression treatment program. Content Source Age Can Have An Impact On Mental Health
Do you remember the one question you missed on that fourth-grade science test that kept you from scoring 100 percent? Or the word you missed in every spelling bee you were in? I do.
In fact, I am very clear about the fact that water boils at 100 degrees Celsius and I am not a big fan of the words centennial, hippopotamus, or receipt. I have suffered from most of my life from perfectionism, which to me is no joke. Feeling shame about making a mistake and having the initial reaction of wanting to hide it is not fun. In fact, just the thought of writing this blog gave me anxiety. How can I possibly measure up to the people who have written blogs and have Ph.D.’s and more experience than me?
Perfectionist Tendencies Can Start in Early Childhood
My perfectionism developed and honed from a very early age. I remember when I turned four or five my parents took me to a fancy restaurant for crab legs. (What the hell?) I remember sitting there, prim and proper, with my hands folded in my lap. I remember people telling my mother what a wonderful, well-behaved child she had.
My mother beamed, and basked in the compliments. I figured out quickly, “Aha! This is how I earn my mother’s love and approval!”
From then on, I strived to make perfect grades and to always toe the line, always trying to be “good enough.” For you see, my beloved mother is a perfectionist herself and her perfect little girl reinforced her need to be good enough too.
Pia Mellody, in her book Facing Codependence, says, “Everybody’s poop smells. To be human is to be imperfect.”
She goes on to say that functional parents do not hold themselves up as the higher power in the family—the god and goddess if you will—and that when they make a parenting mistake that affects their children, they own it and make amends. But, what about those of us raised in a home where our parents were the god and goddess reigning supreme? A home in which mistakes were not okay?
I love my parents and through my own work, which has included going through The Meadows’ Survivors I childhood trauma workshop myself, I realize now that they were parenting out of their own trauma brought on by dysfunctional messages they got from their parents.
Perfectionism Hinders You More Than It Helps
Perfectionism has been a friend and a foe in my life. As a friend, it helped me a few years ago to organize and plan from the ground up what I must say was a pretty amazing wedding –although I was a complete and nervous wreck the day of. It also enabled me in some ways to complete a difficult counseling program and earn a Master’s Degree, but it took repeated attempts.
As a foe, it literally drove me to drink. And then, even after getting sober through a 12- step program, I continued to attempt perfection in my step work, which resulted in a relapse. Trying to be “perfect” can also alienate me from people, because my attitude becomes, “ I want to be perfect and am sure you must want to be as well, so let me show you how!” In respect to the core issues of The Meadows Model of Development Immaturity, this attitude is indicative of “better than” self-esteem, invulnerable boundaries, good and perfect reality issues, and containment issues of being out of control with controlling others.
Or, as Pia would say, I turn into “a tight ass.” This is not good for my relationships, to say the least.
Tips for Overcoming Perfectionist Thinking
For those of you reading this and relating, here are a few helpful techniques I use to alleviate the stress of perfectionist thinking:
The pain of the five core development immaturity issues mentioned earlier, and relationship issues drove me into therapy and 12-step programs. Both made it possible for me to practice these techniques.
As a result, there has been a considerable improvement in my relationship with myself and in my relationships with others. After all, who am I to think I could ever be perfect? Through the practice of admitting my mistakes to others I have realized that, for the most part,I am the only person who is not okay with my mistakes.
This corrective experience illuminates the fact that the people in my life now are understanding and forgiving. More often than not, they share their experiences with similar situations, thereby increasing intimacy and strengthening these relationships.
Perfectionism will always be a part of my personality, but the good news is that through insight and action it can definitely be managed.
The Meadows’ Survivors Workshop
The concepts and therapeutic exercises that comprise the Survivors I workshop, are the same ones that drive the overall treatment philosophy for all of The Meadows programs. Participants explore the childhood trauma that fuels self-defeating behaviors such as addiction, mood disorders, and troubling relationships. They also work on processing and releasing negative messages and emotions rooted in their pasts, and find the freedom to fully embody their authentic selves.
Those who register for Survivors I—or any of the Rio Retreat Center’s other 16 workshop offerings— on or before June 30 will receive a 25 percent discount. Call today at 800-244-4949.
- See more at: Confessions of a (Mostly) Reformed Perfectionist
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