“Caring for our seniors is the greatest responsibility we have. Those who walked before us have given so much and made possible the life we enjoy” - Senator John Hoeven A very true and apt quote; senior citizens definitely play a major role in making important contributions to the present generation and society as family members, volunteers and employees. Recent research conducted by the World Health Organization estimates that the proportion of the world’s population over 60 years of age would double between 2015 and 2050. Thereby, leading to an absolute increase from 900 million people to 2 billion people over the age of 60. These statistics further affirm the need for both effective mental and physical health care for senior citizens. A study conducted by the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention states that approximately 20% of individuals over the age of 55 experience some form of mental illness, such as anxiety, bipolar disorder, depression and cognitive issues. Amongst the above-mentioned mental health concerns, depression is the most common disorder experienced by seniors, and unfortunately, is the least recognized. Depression has a major impact on the health of these individuals and can adversely aggravate already existing physical conditions. Fortunately, the said study also states that depression is treatable in 80% of the cases. Regrettably, depressive disorders are widely ignored in older adults and are either undertreated or overlooked. Senior citizens with mental health conditions are more inclined to have poor functioning skills and find carrying out day-to-day living cumbersome and challenging. They are also less likely to seek out medical services to improve their health and outlook on life. Many social, biological and situational factors also greatly influence a senior’s mental health. Life situations like retirement, the death of a loved one, physical disability, change in financial status, poor health, etc. characterize a senior’s life. These issues can also result in loneliness, isolation, and loss of independence, which are major sources of psychological distress. Additionally, according to evidence collected by the World Health Organization, 1 in 10 seniors are subject to elder abuse. Abandonment, neglect, and abuse lead to loss of dignity and respect which can compound the psychological breakdown in the elderly. Loved ones and caregivers of senior individuals should be aware of signs that suggest a deterioration in their mental health and take immediate action to help them. Ways you can help as a caregiver:
Help For Depression If depression persists in a loved one in spite of all your efforts, therapy or counseling is recommended, as it addresses the underlying causes of depression rather than the symptoms. Mental health includes our emotional, psychological, and social well-being. It affects how we think, feel and act. The state of our mental health also helps determine how we handle stress, relate to others, and how we make choices in our everyday lives. Mental health issues can negatively affect our lives, and our expert team at The Meadows is here to help. The Meadows treatment center is an excellent place to seek help for your loved one. The therapists and counselors here are well trained and extremely competent and capable in helping your loved one improve their mental health and rebuild their lives once again. Please call 866-424-5476 to learn more about our depression treatment program. Content Source Age Can Have An Impact On Mental Health
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I had been discharged from my treatment program for a year and was in the ups and downs of early recovery when the call came. My husband’s voice cracked when he said my name, so I knew before he told me that my father was dead. There were no details yet, but I did not need them. The coroner’s report would later confirm what I already knew. My dad, like his twin brother twenty years before him, had taken his own life. There is much I could write about his life and perhaps some day I will, but as I sit here today contemplating World Suicide Prevention Day (September 10, 2017) all I have to share with you are the pieces of my heart. My dad was a contradiction. He was as charismatic as he was rageful. He was generous and he was selfish, genuine and deceptive. He was my hero and my nemesis. He became my mirror, a reflection of who I never wanted to become. Our lives had become oddly parallel over the last year of his life. After a few years of little-to-no contact (my choice) my dad wrote to me while I was at the Ranch. “Ain’t that a kick in the head?” he said. “We’re both in rehab.” I chuckled. How could I not? He was right. We’re two sides of the same coin, I thought to myself. I was grateful he was getting help. If I had hope, I was confident he did too. I don’t remember if I wrote back. I’d like to think I did, but I doubt it. My dad was in and out of treatment over the next year or two, fighting his own demons while I fought mine. He was a star patient when he had some accountability and structure. As soon as he was on his own, though, he would resort to his unhealthy behavior. “I’m proud of you for trying,” I told him over the phone and I was. Recovery is a humbling equalizer. I don’t remember much of those first couple of years after his death. I think my own survival and health required that I focus more on overcoming anorexia than dealing with grief. The questions I could answer came first, questions like where and how, but even those left me with nightmares. I never wanted to know when. I still don’t. It’s not a time or date I want seared in my mind. Something about the answer being a guess haunts me. As the shock thawed, the harder questions rumbled. What should I have done differently? Why wasn’t I enough? Why weren’t my brothers or my kids enough? (My kids, if only he knew my kids.) Why? So many whys that will never have answers. Living with someone else’s suicide promises a lifetime of unanswerable questions. Faced with concerns about my own life, I questioned if I was really supposed to recover. All of anorexia’s lies roared. Sometimes the Sirens sang. If suicide was my family’s way of dealing with things should it be mine too? You will say, “No!” and I agree, but when two people close to you die at their own hand, suicide begins to feel like an obligation. I finally shared my thoughts with my therapist. It took awhile, but in the safety of his office, I began to miss my dad in the deepest, most primal way possible. Over the next several months, my sorrow, unrelenting and all encompassing, terrified me. As I came up for breath, I realized I could never force my children to ask the same questions I did. I could not be responsible for inflicting so much pain. I realized it was time to change my family’s legacy. Suicide never was and never would be the answer. I often tell people, “Where there is life, there is hope.” In the midst of eating disorders, addictions and recovery, life is sometimes dark and often painful. The struggle to fight for life can be exhausting. Although I cannot take away your wounds, I can point the way to people who are willing to walk beside you and hold up your arms while you battle. The Meadows and Remuda Ranch at The Meadows stand ready to support you. You can call them at 866-390-5100. You can reach the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255. Tonight on this World Suicide Prevention Day, some 11 ½ years after my father’s death, I will go to sleep thinking of him, hoping that his story and mine will make a difference. Chances are I will weep. I will ask, “why?” and “what if?” Given the opportunity I would encourage him to stay a little longer. So, although I cannot reach out to him, I will continue to hope for you (and me) believing as always that where there is life there is hope. Content Source When You Think Suicide Is The Answer, Think Again Panic, Anxiety, Stress all are different names of one disorder – Grief. All are related to one thing that is upsetting episode of your life. When you encounter something disturbing in your life, you feel panic attack which instills a sense of panic and triggers it every time when a person witnesses similar kind of episode. So to resolve this kind of disorder, there are 3 tips from The Meadows - a Treatment centre for Anxiety Disorders:
When you feel that once you had encountered an episode that left footprints on your mind and is not getting erased, try talking to a counselor. When you talk your stress out or when you talk to someone who listens to you, it feels good and it helps you face the situation. If you do not talk to someone, you will not feel congested inside and you can let all out. This will give you strength to face your fears and rise above them all. A big part of the battle against anxiety involves learning to stay in the moment, and not worrying too much about what comes next. And a big part of staying in the moment involves learning to stay positive. Keeping you focused on these things is Positively Positive’s goal.
Once you are above the talking part, you could tell someone to create a fake situation and try to face it without fear. So, when you face this kind of situation again, you will not be the victim of fear. Panic or Anxiety is not just about fear; it can also be because of depression or stress. In any situation, be calm and have patience.
When nothing works out, come to the Meadows. The Meadows exists to heal your unresolved emotional trauma and provide you with the tools to transform your life. Whether you or someone you love is entering treatment for the first time, or a relapse occurs, The Meadows Model is unparalleled in producing successful outcomes for recovery and a proven vanguard for treating addiction and trauma. Content Source 3 Tips to Resolve Panic and Anxiety Disorder By Nancy Minister, Workshop Facilitator, Rio Retreat Center at The Meadows I recently listened to a friend talk about her practice of catching herself when she was “off” — in other words, being short or rude to someone when experiencing some sort of conflict. She explained in her sincere, soft voice, that she had learned to say to herself, “Where’s God in this? There’s no God in this. Where’s God in this?” That would bring her back to being who she really is. She could then allow herself to turn and apologize or disengage from the conflict. She said that she would also use this practice with groups in her work environment. She could recognize when God wasn’t in the interactions and communications and she would look for ways that she could “bring God in.” What my friend was referring to was the experience of returning to what Meadows Senior Fellow Dr. Shelley Uram calls the “Essential Self.” Some might also call it the “soul.” It is an often unexplainable connection with a sense of purpose or higher power. We sometimes find it when we meditate or when we are mindfully present and filled with joy or inspiration. It’s Totally a God Thing I am frequently delighted by the many ways God shows up when people are on their healing journeys. When I refer to “God,” I am referring to Spirit, the Universe, Nature, the Soul, our Inner Light—or any other term we might use for a divine sense of connection with something greater than us. And when I refer to God “showing up,” I’m talking about the awe-inspiring things that happen to us that seem to be more than mere coincidence. “That was totally a God thing!” is the phrase I frequently use to express my amazement when I experience those unplanned events that couldn’t be more perfect if they had been carefully planned. I see the perfect mix of strangers based on their traits and backgrounds come together in a group and have unbelievably powerful experiences. They may finally see their partner’s point of view in someone’s story, or understand the depth of their parents’ own trauma leading to freedom to forgive. This often feels to me like more than a random gathering of folks; it feels like there’s an invisible influence shaping our experiences. I also experience it as very subtle divine guidance when I have an idea for an intervention that isn’t even logical. I recently suggested that someone do some work with her addict self. She gave me a look of pure shock. This woman had been in solid recovery for more than 8 years. There was no logical reason for my suggestion. I couldn’t say why I thought of this process because it didn’t make sense. But, when she put her addict self in the chair in front of her, she was very real. And when she sat in that chair and felt that part of her that was still alive and well in her, she was able to truly release guilt and shame and bring that part into recovery. She later shared that she would have never thought it in a million years, but that was the piece that was missing in her healing work. It was totally a God thing. I feel that this kind of experience must happen in recovery programs in general and in all of The Meadows programs, but we definitely get to experience it strongly in our workshops at The Rio Retreat Center. The Survivors II workshop is open for participants to continue with another layer of childhood trauma work, adult trauma, relationship issues, addictions, etc. If you feel inspired or “guided” to continue your healing journey, it may be the workshop for you. Content Source How God Shows Up in Recovery By Lindsay Merrell, Therapist, Remuda Ranch at The Meadows Since the years of my internship, working with patients facing suicidal thoughts has been concerning, challenging, and inspiring. Individuals struggling with such hopelessness come to professionals in desperate need of relief from what is starting to feel like an inevitable outcome. Our responsibility as professionals is to be persistently and empathically interested in the individual’s struggle. Our curiosity gives them the courage to look at the very pain they fear. Netflix’s hit TV Show 13 Reasons Why provides the audience with a window into the multitude of opportunities a community often has to intervene when an individual is living in fear of their pain. In 13 Reasons Why, the main character, Hannah, struggles with suicidal thoughts. She risks reaching out to her guidance counselor—the very person tasked with being a support to adolescence in the educational environment-- for help; but, as a result, we as an audience witness the harm that occurs when helping professionals lack curiosity. The guidance counselor dismisses Hannah’s pain and a disconnection from help occurred. The show portrays very well how the disconnection from compassionate support leads to an increase in isolation and stigma for the individual and for the community as it experiences a traumatic event. Adolescents are already at an anatomical disadvantage when it comes to seeking support. They are experiencing normal, but tumultuous hormonal changes within a neurological system that hasn’t yet developed insight into cognitive distortions or the ability to restructure distorted thoughts. As professionals, we have the opportunity to assist and educate individuals and families on how to navigate the ups and downs of the adolescent years; however, this opportunity often only comes after worrisome symptoms appear. 13 Reasons Why has given teenagers, schools, and families a framework from which to process situations which may already be occurring right under their noses, and will hopefully give them the chance to intervene before the individual’s desperation takes over. Recently, the media has reported that many parents, teachers, and counselors are concerned that 13 Reasons Why “glorifies” suicide. But, it seems to me that 13 Reasons Why could bring about more awareness on how to support an individual struggling with suicidal thoughts or how those who are struggling with suicidal thoughts can seek support. As friends, therapists, and parents, aren't we better equipped to help when we are more culturally aware and curious about the nuances individuals’ struggles? It seems unreasonable to make a judgment about the “dangers” of the show simply based on the fact that the characters in the storyline do not handle the situations in the one size fits all manner we deem best. Before her tragic death, Hannah records a series of tapes to illustrate how ignorance, fear, and judgment disconnected her, and disconnects others, from necessary interventions and support within the community. Through the lens of fear, Hannah's tapes may appear to assign blame to everyone involved; however, when fear is replaced with curiosity and empathy, can’t the tapes be viewed as an educational opportunity for the viewer? The tapes teach us that asking questions, paying attention, and speaking up can provide hope for recovery from what feels like insurmountable pain. Fear of judgment from peers and adults coupled with the stigma around asking for support unnecessarily leads adolescents to suppress their perceived realities to struggle through it alone more than they have to. This often leads to the manifestation of eating disorders, substance abuse, self-harm, and suicidal ideation. The challenge for the individual and the community portrayed in the show is the suppression of the struggling individual’s perceived reality and the ultimate lack of awareness of the real pain of that struggle. Compassion’s enemy is fear. It paralyzes people and prevents them from helping those who struggle with suicidal ideation. Let’s not allow ourselves to be paralyzed by the fear of what 13 Reasons Why could teach young people; instead, let use it to teach ourselves how to be more compassionate, how to best offer the support that is needed, and how to stay curious and ask questions that can help lead those suffering to peace. 13 Reasons Why is a show that illuminates the difficulties adolescents face. As adults, when we put our fear aside and become curious, we open the door to protecting a vulnerable individual from a life-altering decision and breathe hope back into those we care about. Content Source Approach ‘13 Reasons Why’ with Curiosity Instead of Fear By Tian Dayton, Ph.D. Senior Fellow at The Meadows Grief is a life issue that strikes at the very heart of being human, while we live in a body, pair bond and procreate we will love and we will lose. The effect of loss can be shocking and dis-equilibrating and it needs a process of mourning or grieving to come to terms with. When loss is not accompanied with some sort of process that allows us to both feel and express our feelings of despair, vulnerability, disorientation and perhaps even relief, those emotions can go underground. But out of sight is not out of mind, they will come back to haunt us if we do not somehow find a way to accommodate and accept the loss that has taken place. Rituals that address loss have long been built into the religions of the world. Whether a wailing wall, windows covered in black, ripped clothing, or overt crying and beating of the breast, the need to grieve is a recognized and encouraged phenomenon. Numerous religions involve rituals that are designed to trigger the grief process and eventually to mark its ending. Wearing black or a mourning arm band are ways of signaling the world that life is different and that the person who has experienced a loss needs special consideration for a period of time. But in our mobile, modern culture where physical distance is often a part of families and communities, and formal religion is less the center of people’s lives, we need to find alternative ways to acknowledge and process life changes and losses. Grief has most often been associated with losses to death. But there are many kinds of losses, particularly as our life span has lengthened by more than three decades over the last century, that occur as part of a long life. In this series of articles on grief we’ll explore varieties of loss and their impact on the psyche and on our lives, including the particular types of losses that follow in the wake of addiction and dysfunction. We will also look at ways of handling loss, whether to death or disruption that mankind has developed intuitively over time and more recently through research. Disenfranchised Loss Some life losses do not get fully recognized and when this happens they become what is referred to in the grief vernacular as “disenfranchised”. Unlike a loss to death there is no funeral to acknowledge and honor the loss, no grave to visit, no covered dishes dropped at the door nor sitting in the company of fellow mourners and supporting each other through the tears. These losses live in unmarked graves within people and family systems who often avoid discussing them. The pain becomes covert rather than overt that is, unexamined feelings surrounding the loss may still affect us, but we may not be aware of the way in which they are impacting our lives and relationships. Some examples of disenfranchised losses are:
The Stages of the Grieving Process The stages that one can expect to pass through in the grieving process are laid out below. Loss here is defined as loss of a person, a part of the self, a period of life, or a situation/circumstance. I have adapted renowned psychiatrist John Bowlby’s stages and added a fifth stage that I have seen clients pass through when they can allow themselves to surrender to the process of grieving. Particularly when the grieving is of disenfranchised losses related to addiction, mental illness or dysfunction, clients can feel a new lease on life when they move through the stages of loss. It is important to note that people’s feelings do not necessarily follow an exact course, but the stages offer an overall map of the emotional terrain covered during the process of grieving loss. The stages are: Emotional numbness and shutdown. In this stage, we may go through a period of feeling emotionally numb. We know something happened but our feelings are shutdown and out of reach. Yearning and searching. A yearning for the lost object (person, situation) and searching for it in other people, places and things mark this stage; ghosting, or the sense of a continuing presence of the lost person or feeling as if you are seeing them, may be part of this stage. There is deep yearning for what was lost–be it a stage of life, a part of the self, or a person–followed by searching for a way to replace it. Disruption, anger and despair. In this stage, we may experience anger, despair and disappointment that comes and goes and is overwhelming at times. Many losses that have anger and resentment involved with them, can get complicated at this point. Ambivalent feelings may persist such as longing for the lost person or situation vs relief at its absence, or rage surrounding the loss vs despair and sadness. Sometimes for example it’s easier to feel the anger associated with the loss rather than the sadness beneath it because the sadness feels demeaning, confusing or makes us remember all that never got a chance to be and this too can become confusing and disorienting. Reorganization and integration. In this stage we can talk about the loss without fear of sinking into it and never coming out. We’re able to actually experience the emotions connected with the loss, translate them into words and elevate them to a conscious level and thus integrate it into the overall context of our lives and ourselves. We can become mindful about our own inner world, aware of our own process which strengthens our ‘inner wittness” or the part of us that can actually watch our own mind and emotions. This is a natural stage of acceptance and letting go. Reinvestment, spiritual growth and renewed commitment to life. In this stage, we come to believe in life’s intrinsic ability to repair and rebuild itself. We’re able to reinvest in life and relationships and to feel reasonably good about our future. Though these stages appear in order, they do not necessarily occur in order, nor should they. We may find ourselves cycling through these stages over and over again, hovering between stages and even zig-zagging among them or skipping over some in favor of others. Whatever our process is, it will not generally look or feel tidy, in fact it is in entering what feels disorganized and messy that we may most fully plumb the depths of our own grief and emerge perhaps stronger and more confident of our ability to face what life deals us. If we avoid or cannot move through some sort of grief/mourning process we may:
Grief and Loss Workshop at The Rio Retreat Center Healing Heartache: A Grief And Loss Workshop provides a safe, sacred for participants to lean into the grief, which facilitates the healing. Loss can come in many forms including death of a loved one, loss of one's health, relationship losses, major life changes, lost opportunities, etc. During this 5-day workshop:
To register, or for more information, call 866-331-3368. Note: This article originally appeared on The Huffington Post Content Source Why We Grieve: The Importance of Mourning Loss Here are just a few of this week’s highlights from the Meadows Behavioral Healthcare family of treatment programs. To have these delivered to your inbox twice a month, sign up for our email newsletter! We are Paying it Forward with a Special Offer on Inpatient Treatment! In honor of Pay it Forward Day — an international initiative to create a huge ripple effect of kindness around the world — we are offering a special "Pay it Forward" program price. This limited time promotional offer is for 45-day, inpatient treatment at The Meadows, Claudia Black Young Adult Center, Gentle Path at The Meadows, and Willow House at The Meadows. Call 866-331-3368 today to take advantage of this opportunity. Learn more here. Limited Time Discount Offer On Workshops Enroll in a workshop at Rio Retreat center at The Meadows before June 30, 2017 and save $500. Call our Workshop Coordinator at 866-331-3368 for details. *Some exclusions apply. Full descriptions, dates, and registration information for our full workshop offering are available on our website here. Meadows Senior Fellows Featured at U.S. Journal Training Conference For behavioral health professionals, The U.S. Journal Training Conferences are some of most highly anticipated events of the year. We are proud to be sponsors of this year’s conference and we’re honored to have three of our Senior Fellows — Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, Dr. Kevin McCauley, and Dr. Shelley Uram — among the distinguished presenters. Remuda Ranch Patients Find Peace of Mind in The Brain Center At the new Remuda Ranch at The Meadows Brain Center, not only are patients thoroughly enjoying the serene, beautiful, and peaceful setting, they are also sensing positive changes in mood, energy, clarity, and sleep. Help Your Clients Heal from Grief and Loss In her latest article for TheMeadows.com, Senior Fellow Dr. Tian Dayton says that it’s important to recognize the need for healing from all types of loss, including the loss of self. Content Source What’s New at The Meadows For behavioral health professionals, The U.S. Journal Training Conferences are some of most highly anticipated events of the year. Each even in their conference series gathers internationally-renowned experts and thought leaders to share their latest discoveries and insights into the human mind. This year’s 4th Annual National Conference on TRAUMA, Addiction, and Intimacy Disorders in Nashville, Tenn., is certainly no exception. We are proud to be sponsors of this year’s conference and honored to have three of our Senior Fellows among the distinguished presenters. Dr. Bessel van der Kolk On Wednesday, May 3, Dr. Bessel van der Kolk will open the conference with his keynote, “Trauma, Body, and the Brain: Restoring the Capacity for Synchronicity and Imagination.” He will explain how recovery from trauma involves learning how to restore a sense of visceral safety and reclaiming a loving relationship with one’s self, one’s entire organism. Dr. Kevin McCauley On Thursday, May 4, Dr. Kevin McCauley will present “The Brain and Recovery: An Update on the Neuroscience of Addiction.” This lecture will summarize the most current neuroscientific research about addiction—research that explains how the brain constructs pleasurable experiences, what happens when this process goes wrong, and why this can have a dramatic impact on our ability to make proper choices. Dr. Shelley Uram Also on Thursday, May 4, Dr. Shelley Uram will present “Essential Living: A Guide to Having Happiness and Peace by Reclaiming Your Essential Self.” Her presentation will explore ways that we can find who we are at our very essence, how our ancient survival brain areas pull our attention away from this essence at a very young age, and how to get it back. These three Senior Fellows help train our staff at The Meadows to be some of the best therapists, counselors, psychologists, and psychiatrists working in the field today. We’re confident that those who attend their presentations will walk away with new insights, and new approaches to apply in their practices and in their own lives. Content Source Meadows Senior Fellows Featured at U.S. Journal Training Conference Human beings make about 35,000 conscious decisions every day. Each one of those decisions, no matter how small, is likely to have an impact on someone, somewhere, in some way. But, we typically have no idea what kind of impact our choices have made on the world around us. If you decide to have lunch at the local deli, you’ve made an impact on the success of the deli owner’s business. And, the way you interacted with the staff may have played a role in shaping their outlook on their work that day. If you were gracious, they may have felt a sense of pride in helping others, which may have had a ripple effect on the level of kindness and care they showed to other customers after you. If you are struggling with addiction and unresolved trauma and you decide not to seek treatment, your decision will likely impact others in much more negative ways. If your relationships seem to be falling apart in the face of your drinking, drug use, depression and/or anxiety, today may be the day for you to make the most important decision of your daily 35,000. Are you going to choose to continue on this way, holding on to your pain and acting out in ways that can have devastating effects on the people you love? Or are you going to get treatment, and start a ripple effect of happiness and healing in your world? Those of us at Meadows Behavioral Healthcare want to help you start the right ripple effect. In honor of Pay it Forward Day—an international initiative to create a huge ripple effect of kindness around the world—we’re reducing the cost for our 45-day inpatient addiction treatment programs by thousands of dollars for A LIMITED TIME. Call 866-331-3368 and mention the Pay It Forward offer for more information. We hope that by giving more people access to our high-quality, scientifically-tested, and individualized treatment methods, we can help start the powerful ripple effect of recovery throughout the world. Our internationally renowned experts in trauma and addiction can not only help you overcome your trauma-related issues and/or addiction, they can also show you how to treat yourself the love and kindness in a way that will ripple and flow through your life and relationships. Please call 866-331-3368 today to take advantage of this special offer. When you change yourself, you change the world. Content Source We’re Paying it Forward with a Special Offer By Tian Dayton, Ph.D., Psychologist, Author, Psychodramatist, Senior Fellow at The Meadows Grief that is out in the open, that is part of the natural cycle of life or part of one of life’s tragic circumstances has a dignity to it. The person experiencing a loss feels that they have a right to grieve and to accept caring and attention from those they love. However, the kinds of losses that accompany issues such as addiction do not necessarily command the respect of others nor does the person experiencing the loss necessarily feel a right to the support they long for. But there is another kind of loss that we need to attend to as well, one that is less easy to see, that also needs mourning. The loss of self. The losses that so often accompany addiction whether from being an addict or living with addiction roll out from year to year in a never ending cycle, they lack a clear beginning, middle and end. These are losses that may have been buried under years of denial and obfuscation, losses that went unrecognized, that became disenfranchised or thrown out of conscious awareness. In addition to a loss of self might be a loss of safety, of a comfortable childhood, or of the feeling that we were seen and heard by those we depended upon. A loss of the space held safe in which to grow up. In these cases, people may be at risk for acting out the pain that they do not properly see themselves, not necessarily because they refuse to acknowledge it, but because their feelings surrounding these almost invisible losses are so confusing and difficult to find and feel. They have been neatly hidden under days gone by, the child who was not seen or listened to becomes the adult who cannot see or hear himself. Addiction and Grief People who abuse substances have been able to medicate pain associated with grief, often for periods of many years. In sobriety, losses that went un-grieved, that were numbed through self-medication rather than felt, understood and integrated, will inevitably surface. Furthermore, the feelings they arouse will be confusing because they may reach back for years, even decades, in the life of the addict or recovering person. Without the coping strategy of self-medication, the sober addict will need to summon the strength to live through the pain that previously felt like too much to tolerate. Addiction itself, along with codependency, carries much grief and loss in its wake. Grief is widely accepted as an issue that needs to be addressed during recovery from either disorder. Oftentimes, treatment programs get legitimately concerned that addressing powerful issues of grief could undermine sobriety. However, not addressing them opens the door to relapse when they eventually do emerge. Some awareness and understanding of the grief process can actually normalize grief so that when it does come up it is somewhat less derailing. Because the addict has relied on a substance to manage their emotions and their inner world, they may have trouble mourning, they have removed their substance and will likely feel pain much more intensely, pain that they have previously managed synthetically can become overwhelming its raw and unnerving form. And their issues may be complex and thorny. They may need to grieve, for example, the life they have lost through addiction, the lost time, the lost years that they could have devoted to getting their lives in order or the pain that they have caused those they love. And they may well be grieving these issues with a weakened or undeveloped set of psychological and emotional tools. A Powerful Combo: When the Past and the Present Crossover Those who are in recovery from addiction, codependency, or PTSD, can be especially vulnerable to becoming symptomatic around current life losses when they carry painful histories. When a current loss triggers emotional states from previous losses, grief can become what is known in the vernacular as “complicated.” This is when unresolved pain from losses that occurred in the past gets stirred up and it leaks and seeps into the current life loss, making feelings more intense and confusing than they might otherwise be. Soldiers, for example, are more likely to develop PTSD if they have previous histories of traumatization say within their family or community. “One of the pervading symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) both in soldiers and those who have experienced some form of physical, sexual or emotional abuse, neglect or living with addiction, is the desire to self-medicate with drugs or alcohol,’ says Bessel van der Kolk, a Senior Fellow at The Meadows and an expert on PTSD. This means that someone who has experienced trauma in childhood and used substances as a mood regulator because their own skills of self-regulation felt compromised, may be recovering both from PTSD and addiction when they give up their substance or compulsive behavior. Sex addicts who are reenacting their victimization from childhood sexual abuse for example, by acting out sexually as adults, may need to deal with the pain from both as they recover. Similarly, ACOAs who were traumatized by living with parental addiction and who themselves became addicts in order to manage that unconscious pain and resentment, will likely be dealing with both in recovery. Some Warning Signs of Unresolved Grief
Recognizing some of the behaviors listed above as connected to unresolved grief provides a way of dealing with them. Passing through the pain that has been the driver behind self-destructive behaviors, really entering into a grief process—not for a person who has died but the self who died or who went into hiding is deeply freeing and healing. It is necessary. Simultaneously reigniting hope in a positive future and learning to rely on a strong recovery network is equally important in securing safe passage through this Stygian journey. But like so many things in recovery, the relief, excitement and even wonder in moving through pain, the joy of self-understanding and the warmth of connecting with others makes many, if not most, “not regret nor wish to close the door,” as we say in our program, on the past that brought them to this new and more enlightened way of living and loving. Content Source Tied Up In Knots: The Anxiety of Living with Unresolved Grief |
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